I’ve been tired lately. Mr. Dude will tease me that I’m not getting in my usual solid 9-10 hours of sleep. My body just feels heavy, slow, and I had one of those moments this week when I wondered, how do I push myself to get moving again?
And surprisingly, the answer has been not to push at all. When I’ve made a point of relaxing and, essentially, ignoring the things that I can’t change, I’ve had the energy I need. It’s also been pretty stunning to notice which things fill me and which things drain me, and how pronounced it is. I didn’t realize how much it costs me to stay in a funky dynamic, but oh, I’m so not ready to uproot every part of my life. Guess some things will have to keep coming back and biting me in the butt.
Force gets you just so far before it starts breaking you down. I’m a bullheaded fighter by nurture, if not by nature, and I kinda enjoy finding out, again and again, that I can choose a different path and it’s much more peaceful. It’s such a well-ingrained idea that the only way to get something done is to work harder, but it just doesn’t work out for me.
And on an unrelated note, the Center for Mind Body Medicine shared a post I wrote on my journey with binge eating disorder. It’s important to me to share…and yet, um, they titled it “shame”. Gotta say the label made me feel like I wanted to curl up in a little ball, but I think I’m over it now.
Additional note: I re-read this and realized this doesn’t quite sound like a “thankful” post, although it actually was mean that way. It’s not fun to feel like I’ve got Jello limbs, but it was great to be re-reminded that I’ve got the power to shift my experience, and it’s given me a lot of useful stuff to ponder!
There’s a great Buddhist saying called the Bodhisattva vow, “May all that arises serve the awakening of my heart and mind, and be a blessing to all beings.” It’s a comfort to me, especially on challenging days, to remember the possibility of a kernel of insight or wisdom or inspiration in any situation.